Is That Guy Dead?

I like naps, a lot. This is probably not a surprise to most of you. You may not know however that I possess a special ability: I can nap anywhere! If I were a super hero that would be my power, napping (ooh nice pun Dave)! I think my name would be The Sleeper.
I feel like I'm committing an injustice by even calling them naps. A nap is a twenty minutes or so rest; I take full on, messy hair, drooling sleeps that are measured in hours, not minutes!
So back to my original point: I can nap (sleep) anywhere. The floor, my desk, church (sorry Seth and PJ), on the toilet (seriously it has happened), in my car. You name it!
Take today for example: I just woke up from a nice hour long snooze in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I came out to get a few things but decided to listen to my iPod and rest for a few before
I went in. It is now an hour later and I just woke up. Here is a pic:



As I shook off the last remnants of dreamland I started to think to myself, "I wonder what people think when they see me sleeping here? Is that guy dead? Homeless, living in his car? Waiting for his wife to finish shopping? Wow, he is really drooling! Boy, he is really cute!"
So anyway you are now forewarned. If you see me sleeping peacefully in a strange place feel free to make sure I'm breathing and then have a chuckle at my expense. Don't wake me up though! Us cute supeheroes need our rest!

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Location:Tygart Valley Mall,Whitehall,United States

Music Speaks

Music really speaks to me. All kinds of music...Christian, rock, classical, oldies, anything. Some songs just have the power to speak to my soul; these are the songs that I can really relate to. I feel like the songwriter knows exactly what I was feeling. I was thinking about this the other day and I thought "you know, I should start sharing my feelings about certain songs". So here goes.

The first song I want to talk about is "Everything" by Alanis Morissette. Here are the lyrics:

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

And you're still here...

I Love this song. Let me start however by stating the obvious. 1.) I'm obviously NOT the funniest, dullest, or gorgeous woman that you've ever known.

2.)YES, I know the word "asshole" is in this song. It's okay.

 I can really relate to what Alanis is saying in this song. I can be all of these things (except the woman parts) multiple times in any given day. I love the chorus though, and when I hear this song I sing the chorus really as a song of worship to God. God, who sees all of me and loves all of me. 

Now I know, it may not be theologically correct to say that God "loves" our "dark", especially if dark refers to sin. But I do think we all have dark places in our being, our hearts, our personalities that God does love. I don't mean to say that God loves when we are assholes or are negative or mistrusting. But I do believe that he loves ALL of us, meaning who we are, good and bad.  He sees all parts of us and is still here. To me, this thinking allows us to stop trying to hide our dark from Him and bring it into the light. This is the point at which he can change and heal us. Oh, and the line "There's not anything to which you can't relate", WOW! I specifically think of Jesus, and how we know that he experienced everything we experience. I could go on and on about this song...really, I love most of what Alanis Morissette writes so I will revisit her several times I'm sure. In the meantime, if you get a chance to listen to this go ahead, and feel free to let me know what you think! Here is a link to the video on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6kLbDHu0yc

 

Don't Even Get Me Started!

     Ok, so I went to see "Alice in Wonderland" tonight. This was actually my second time seeing it, it is so good, but that is another story. Anyway, directly behind me are two ladies with various young children with them. There was also a family with a young kid to my left. I'm talking 4-6ish.
     So the movie starts and I'm starting to see how things are gonna go with the two ladies behind me: "This is after she was in Wonderland before" "Oh, ok. Now who is that rabbit?" "Oh Helena Bonham Carter is in a lot of movies with Johnny Depp" "I don't think that is a good look for Anne Hathaway" blah blah blah BLAH BLAH!
     As the movie continues I get adjusted to tuning out the Chatty Cathys behind me when I hear (at a scene with heads floating in the moat around the Red Queen's Castle): "And this is a kid's movie!" I know that I heard at least one more time after that, I think during the scene with the scary dragon-ish Jabberwocky. By the time the movie ended the 4 year old to my left had to leave with her mom because she got scared (I am glad the mom knew to take her out but she did seem annoyed at her).
     The point is this: I wanted to turn to the talky talkersons and say "NO, THIS IS NOT A KID'S MOVIE!!!" I mean, read the ratings people! According to the MPAA Alice in Wonderland is rated PG because: 

     "Rated PG for fantasy action/violence involving scary        images and situations, and for a smoking caterpillar."


The smoking caterpillar reference makes me laugh. Anyway, the rating pretty much lets me know that I'm not going to be bringing my 4 to 6 year old to this movie! And here are just a few more clues: 

• I believe the previews show the scary Jabberwocky 
• Anyone who knows the story knows of the Red Queen's fondness for chopping off heads
• aaaannnd lastly: IT IS A TIM BURTON FILM! Tim Burton, you know, "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "The Corpse Bride", and "Sweeny Todd" just to name a few! C'mon people!! 

And don't say "But it's a Disney film!" Disney makes lots of films that aren't for kids. For example the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series. NOT FOR YOUNG KIDS! And yes, Disney does market to younger audiences, but again, not four year olds. Alice was marketed to kids probably at least 10 and up, as evidenced by the "Sunny with a Chance" commercial I had to sit through (a Disney Channel tween show). 

     So, the moral of this story? Parents, be responsible! Check movie ratings. See the movie yourself or talk to other parents before you take your kids!! Use common sense. 

And another thing...texting on your 1000 watt bright phone while I'm trying to watch the movie! Really!? Don't get me started, don't EVEN get me started! (Shout out to all the Molly Shannon fans!) 

While I was still a long way off...

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."
This is the scene from Luke 15 that Rembrandt painted in his 1669 work "The Return of the Prodigal Son". I recently heard a cool explanation of this painting. You see in Luke Jesus only mentions three, or maybe four main players in this drama. They are the Father, the Prodigal Son, the Older Brother, and "servants". It is interesting that Rembrandt chose to paint six people. There are of course the main three players. So who are the other three?
The first seems to be a servant. He finds himself right in the middle of this family drama, yet he seems disconnected, uninterested.
The second may also be a servant. She is standing behind the father, but is leaning in. She is interested in the situation unfolding in front of her. She is peering in from the outside.
The third person is a little harder to spot. S/he is in the top left corner of the painting, possibly unaware of what is going on. This person seems the most distant from the situation.
These thoughts on Rembrandt's depiction of the story in Luke made me wonder: which person am I in the painting? Am I the lost son coming home? The loving and accepting Father? The angry and jealous older brother?
Or maybe I'm one of the others (LOST anyone!). The servant witnessing the Father's great compassion and love but finding myself disconnected. Or maybe the one peering in from the outside, trying to get a better view. Needing, longing to see the outpouring of love. Or maybe I'm just a long way off, completely unaware.
As I was processing these thoughts it occurred to me: I am each one of these people, multiple times daily! I am the lost son, the jealous brother, the person willing to love and forgive. Sometimes I'm watching the scene but am disconnected; other times I'm actively looking for His love. And sometimes, I'm still a long way off.
The remarkable thing is this: regardless of the part I'm playing, God still runs to me and throws his arms around me and kisses me!

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The Cool Kids

I've realized something about myself: I need approval, I need to fit in. Now sometimes this need is greater than at other times. I'm sure it is dependent on several things. Am I feeling confident? Am I lonely? Am I emotional? Is my blood sugar out of control?Have I had positive interactions with my friends? The list goes on, but you get the idea.
I don't know that I've ever really felt like I fit in all the time; I'm good at faking it though. I would be willing to wager that this is part of being human, I mean does anyone feel like they fit all of the time? Probably not.
Anyway, this has been a big part of my life. Elementary School was good. I think we weren't as aware of our differences back then, and pretty much we were all friends. Plus my 6th Grade class had 6 people, so we all got along. But then it happened: Jr. High! Dun dun duh!!!
We all ended up going to different schools, so our small class was broken up. I HATED my 7th grade year. I was teased mercilessly, and couldn't or didn't stand up for myself. I didn't fit in. I transferred to a small private school after that so high school was ok.
I really enjoyed college. I made some of my best friends (to this day) in college and had some of the best times of my life. I still had this sense though that I didn't fit in with some people who I thought were the "cool kids". Even now when I see them I want to connect with them. I mean we talk and are friendly, but nothing much deeper than that. And that bothers me! I need to fit in, to have their approval!!!
So I'm trying to figure this out, and this is what I've come up with: it is impossible for me to have everyone's approval and to fit in all the time. And that is OK. I can't be everyone's BFF. It also strikes me that obsessing over this need for approval can make it seem like the close relationships I DO have aren't enough, which is definately NOT the case! I'm so thankful for the friendships I have. They accept me. I DO fit in, and that is enough.

PS- I know that God accepts me too, that is a given.

PPS- those reading this should comment; I need your approval!!! ;-) LOL

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:State Route 73,Fairmont,United States

I'm so emo I could be a Twilight character!

I don't know what it is lately, but I have been so emotional and introspective!  Take last week for example: I was at Wal-Mart and had picked out a card for my Mom for Valentine's Day. As I was exiting the card aisle another card caught my eye, so I stopped, picked it up, read the front, AND STARTED CRYING! IN THE MIDDLE OF WAL-MART!! It was like I found the perfect card that said exactly what I wanted to say to my Mom. So, I composed myself, put the other card back and bought the one that turned me into weepy weeperson. (she loved it by the way).
     I've also been thinking a lot about stuff. My past, my future, my career, my relationships. Maybe it is this time of year that does it to me. Christmas is over and Winter is dragging on. I like Winter but this is probably my least favorite time of year. Maybe that is why I still have my Christmas tree up; it makes me feel happy to see it (don't judge me). 
     Speaking of seasons another thing that makes me emotional is music, and one of the best songs that will make me cry is "Every Season" by Nicole Nordeman. If you haven't heard it add it to your list. Anyway, it describes all of the seasons and how God can be seen in them.  My favorite is when she gets to Spring. As she sings about newness and recreation I start to tear up, and at the line "so it is with you, and how you make me new with every season's change, and so it will be, as you are recreating me, Summer Autumn Winter Spring" I begin bawling. Every time. No joke. I think it is the idea that no matter what I do, have done, or will do He is always recreating me. That makes my heart happy. 
     Finally, another emo story. Today I was thinking about my friend Val and how I'm thankful that we are friends. We shared some really awesome experiences together and she challenges me to constantly think about why I do what I do. So today I thought I would call her and tell her thanks. She responded by saying, and I quote: "Thanks for being my friend too. You know, if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say 'Thank you for being a friend'."  I laughed and laughed (think about it). That's classic Val. Night!


PS- In reference to the title: A friend was discussing on Facebook who would win in a battle between Harry Potter and Edward from Twilight. Someone responded Harry Potter, because a spell can beat a glittery angsty stare any day!

Tomorrow

     Food food food food food weight weight weight fat fat fat fat fat fat exercise exercise exercise exercise...frankly, after 33 years I sometimes get SICK OF IT ALL! Trust me, I WANT to be a thin person! I want to hang glide and mountain climb and play basketball and whatever. But I'm a fatty. And I'm limited. That is the bottom line that I can't seem to change.  I need to figure out why...do I sabotage myself? Is it genetic? What?
     Ok, here is something I want to admit: I don't really want to have surgery to lose weight. However, I feel like I am running out of options. I'm 33 and have Type II diabetes. If I don't do something soon my health is only going to get worse.  
     I give myself too much leeway I think.  I wish I was disciplined like a military man but I'm not.  it would make things so much easier for me.  I need to stick to a program HARDCORE. 
    I've been in my place of "not caring" for about 3 months now. It is when I've tried for several months and then just say "F-it!" and stop exercising and eating right. I just get tired. So what can I do.
     Well, I think that tomorrow I can eat right. And maybe tomorrow I can get some exercise.  I'm not gonna think about the rest of the week. Just...tomorrow.  That is my rant for today, see you well, tomorrow!