The longest relationship I've ever had! (besides my family)

     So I was talking with a friend the other day (this was the aforementioned conversation that inspired this blog). We both struggle with weight  and health issues so we were talking about how I was feeling that day. My blood sugar was crazy out of whack (as my friend Andy says my diabetes was "acting up", lol) and I was super emotional. I mean I went from wanting to cry at the drop of a hat (more than normal) to really agitated.  I have learned that this is a sign that my sugar is high and one finger prick and 5 seconds later the diagnosis was confirmed. Anyway, we got on the topic of self control and why I seem to do well with things in my life for a month or two and then it all goes to hell.  This can be with anything: house cleaning, checkbook, diet, exercise, etc. (sounds like fodder for future posts.). We however were focusing on food.  FOOD. FOOD!!!!! Ahhhh food, that four letter word. So we were talking about my eating habits and she was being really hard on me. I mean that biatch was bringing it! (It was well deserved and the previous term is used lovingly).  She finally said to me something like "You need to look at your relationship with food and why you think about and interact with food the way you do."  This was after she told me that eating an entire large bag of potato chips for dinner was not normal. WHAT!? I don't know what world she is living in!

    So, we talked some more and finished our conversation.  After I dried my tears (kidding) I starting thinking about my relationship with food.  I mean, other than God and my parents this is really the longest relationship I have ever had! I also talked with my Mom (she always helps). Here are some things that I have discovered so far (I'm still thinking).

1. I often don't think correctly about what I'm eating.  For example, let's just say (for sake of conversation) that there have been times when my dinner might have been a pepperoni roll, some milk, and large bag of reduced fat (ha!) Snyder's Kettle Cooked Potato Chips (the exact brand doesn't matter since this is just hypothetical ;-] ).  Anyway, this might have been on a day where I hadn't really eaten a lot.  I might think to my self "Well this is ok, I haven't eaten much today so this isn't overeating. All the calories won't be over the suggested total for the day." WHAT!? In the words of my friend "That is not normal!" And she is right, it isn't.  Here is the truth: A 1 oz serving of chips (I'm looking at Lay's online) has 150 Calories, 8 grams of fat, and 18 grams of carbs.  A large bag typically has 8 to 10 oz. Do the math (I'll pause here so you can gasp...)                   That is 1500 calories, 80 grams of fat, and 180 grams of carbs (in diabetes land that is 12 carb servings. 4 to 6 is recommended per meal)!!!! Add in the pepperoni roll and milk and I'm basically screwed for the day from ONE MEAL! The problem is I never thought of it this way. In my mind, it wasn't really adding up to that much, I mean it was just one meal. You see where I need to change my thinking... PS - the same concept sadly applies to eating a whole pizza  :-(.
2. I really began being overweight around Kindergarten/First Grade.  I think this is related to several things.  My mom and Dad were divorced and though I saw my Dad every weekend I wasn't active through the week. Also (this is from my mom) we ate out a lot. Being a single mom is tough and sometimes you just don't want to or have the time to cook. My Dad got remarried when I was 6ish and weekends were always super busy, especially with two and eventually three kids, so we were always running around. This led to us often driving thru. I also think that since my Dad didn't get to have me all the time he tried to make things fun and have treats.  I remember a game we would play. If I caught him saying "buster bar" (a yummy DQ treat) then we had to go get one. Now I'm not blaming my parents! I love them both very much and I think they did a great job raising me. I'm just exploring how I developed the relationship with food that I currently have.
3. I realized that my mom was always on some sort of diet. Usually it was Weight Watchers, and eventually I started going with her in elementary school. We also always had diet pop and skim milk and light bread, etc.  Not that any of this is bad, I think it just made me realize that I have always been very aware of food and the concept that some things are bad for you and you should stay away from them.  At the same time...
4. ...all of our family celebrations and special occasions have traditionally centered around food, and during special occasions it was ok to eat what you wanted. I mean, it IS a special occasion! The problem is that I started to see EVERY time we went out as a special occasion.  Lost 2 pounds at Weight Watchers? Special occasion! (We would always go out to eat after weigh in LOL). Hanging out with friends? Special occasion! Visiting family? Special occasion! You see the pattern.  I think this really set up a pattern for me of eating healthy and then indulging. Like a cycle.  Sort of a love/hate relationship with food. A dichotomy. Good vs. Evil. You get the picture.  

 Those are my thoughts so far...let me know what you think and stay tuned :-)