I've realized something about myself: I need approval, I need to fit in. Now sometimes this need is greater than at other times. I'm sure it is dependent on several things. Am I feeling confident? Am I lonely? Am I emotional? Is my blood sugar out of control?Have I had positive interactions with my friends? The list goes on, but you get the idea.
I don't know that I've ever really felt like I fit in all the time; I'm good at faking it though. I would be willing to wager that this is part of being human, I mean does anyone feel like they fit all of the time? Probably not.
Anyway, this has been a big part of my life. Elementary School was good. I think we weren't as aware of our differences back then, and pretty much we were all friends. Plus my 6th Grade class had 6 people, so we all got along. But then it happened: Jr. High! Dun dun duh!!!
We all ended up going to different schools, so our small class was broken up. I HATED my 7th grade year. I was teased mercilessly, and couldn't or didn't stand up for myself. I didn't fit in. I transferred to a small private school after that so high school was ok.
I really enjoyed college. I made some of my best friends (to this day) in college and had some of the best times of my life. I still had this sense though that I didn't fit in with some people who I thought were the "cool kids". Even now when I see them I want to connect with them. I mean we talk and are friendly, but nothing much deeper than that. And that bothers me! I need to fit in, to have their approval!!!
So I'm trying to figure this out, and this is what I've come up with: it is impossible for me to have everyone's approval and to fit in all the time. And that is OK. I can't be everyone's BFF. It also strikes me that obsessing over this need for approval can make it seem like the close relationships I DO have aren't enough, which is definately NOT the case! I'm so thankful for the friendships I have. They accept me. I DO fit in, and that is enough.
PS- I know that God accepts me too, that is a given.
PPS- those reading this should comment; I need your approval!!! ;-) LOL
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
First of all, you should not be blogging while driving on Rt. 73. Second, you sound like the guy from Saturday Night Live, and dang gone it people like me. Finally, you don't have to be one of the cool kids or you can be. Just be who you are and people love you for that and if not you can tell them what you told that guy when pushing your bike. Besides whining about it makes you sound like a big puss. Love ya, verbal punch in the arm
ReplyDeleteLOL I just reread this blog; the last sentence DOES sound like the guy from SNL! Thanks man....gotta say it...love ya! LOL
ReplyDeletePS- I wasn't driving, I was at the Poky Dot. I think my phone put in the location.